Me lately

Hey, Bio-Mom... pay attention, ok? Some of this stuff I come by naturally.

I'm also compelled to look at my email right away every single time I get "notified" while I'm working on my computer. I just can't let that little envelope sit there at the bottom of my screen UNOPENED. Damn. There it goes again...

Ha! I just got spam with the subject "Are you afraid of your mailbox?"
Well, yes, I am... I'm more afraid of my refrigerator, though...
Oh, and my washing machine is really starting to creep me out, too.

I've just torn off every day of my page-a-day calendar until sometime in July. Why? Because I could. Because there was no one around to stop me. (Ok, that, and I'm procrastinating a bit.) Just because it is supposed to be only one page a day and each little page has only one date on it, doesn't mean I have to restrict myself to only tearing off one page a day. Lightning didn't strike me or anything. Next, I might cut the tags off our mattresses.

I stopped tearing off the little pages when I reached a page that said

"There comes a time when the routine of flossing, brushing our teeth, showering, and putting on deodorant and foot cream just seems to be too much and we just want to let things go and be a vegetable. This is a red flag. Stop, take stock, and see what you need."

I've just been hit in the head by common sense. Lord, I hate it when that happens. (Yes, Hubby, I know you've said the same thing to me. Yes, I know I didn't listen. You know me, though. I have to see it printed in black and white on a silly little page-a-day calendar that your Mother gave me for me to believe it.)

That one is going on the refrigerator, right at my eye-level. Maybe I'll make copies and put one by the washer and dryer, another by the kitchen sink, and one my by desk. Hell. Maybe I'll frame it.

There are several things on my to do list at home, there always are. There are baby books to fill out, pictures to sort through, newsletters to write, stuff and mail, an on-line journal to update... these would be fun things to do. I want to do that stuff. There is also laundry, dishes, and housework to be done. I know I'm not the only one to ever go through this. I know it's not the first time I've mentioned it.

Most of the time I can juggle everything just fine. At least, I think I'm doing fine, then suddenly, I feel like I'm swamped and just want to throw my hands up in the air and go to sleep. By then, it's too late. I've either frustrated, irritated, annoyed or just plain ticked off a member of my family. Of course, then I add guilt for my behavior to my list of transgressions. Then I really want to escape into sleep.

I get to a place where I just think that if "x" doesn't get done now, I won't have time to do it later, either. By then there may be twice as much "x" to take care of. No one else is going to do it.

Sure, it's easy to say "Just leave that for now. It doesn't need to be done now." If I leave it, though, I can't relax. As I sit and "just leave it", I can still see it. The task is still there, waiting for me, getting bigger, taunting me. I get to a place where I can't rest until the task is complete.

I know. I have issues.

I just want to be able to sit, relax, laugh, play and just "be" with my family without the 'obligations' plucking at my sleeves. I'm aware that some of this behavior is hormone-related. (Think "When good "nesting" goes bad")

So, I need your help. Whenever you see me getting all wound up over everything that needs to be done, hand me a Coke and some Midol. Then step back and let me wind down on my own. Oh! A hot fudge sundae would also be a good way to get my attention and force me to sit down and slow down. Yeah... I like that idea better.

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