Roses are red
Violets are blue
I don't know what else rhymes with blue
Do you?

I may have just spoken to my Bio-Grandfather for the first time ever.

My head was spinning off in several directions at once.
"Oh no! He knows who I am!" ... well of course he does. That's a GOOD thing, remember? We want his help.
"Call Hubby and tell him!"
"Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"
"Work? I can't concentrate on work right now! I'm having a life-altering MOMENT for Pete's sake!"
"What if he doesn't call me back? What if I never hear from him again?" "What if he doesn't tell her? What if she doesn't want to talk to me?" ...now you don't really believe that. She'll want to talk to you. You can feel that. You've never doubted that before.
"Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"
"Breathe, Kelli, breathe"

This all happened on the Friday afternoon before Memorial Day weekend. You can bet your bippy that I didn't get a lick of work done after that phone call.

When I finally got home there was a message on our answering machine from a woman whose family owned the particular place of business my Mom was told about. Yes, her family owned it, but she did not know anyone named Lacey. It would seem that the source of the information was incorrect.

Sometime between Friday evening and Sunday I had called my Mom to tell her the news. I don't remember the actual conversation, but I do remember suddenly feeling that she wasn't all that thrilled. I began to realize that she didn't think I would actually find Bio-Mom. It took the wind out of my sails a bit, it didn't feel like she was "behind me" at all on this. She was behind the idea, but not the actuality of it. The deed was almost done, though. I still needed to ask questions of the only person who could answer them for sure.

Saturday d-r-a-g-g-e-d by while I tried to put everything out of my mind. I kept telling myself not to think about it, don't count on it, don't get too excited. The thing is, I'd never been so close to knowing. Before I found her, I foolishly thought that a phone call would satisfy me. I had to see her now, in person, even if it was only a one time thing.

Sunday seemed to go more slowly than Saturday, and we had an extra day of the weekend, to go! How was I going to be on Monday?! Did I give Bio-Grandfather my home phone number, or just my work number?

Hubby and I were watching TV shows blink by as he operated the remote control. He landed on a show we never really watched before, but we figured what the hey. About five minutes later, one character was talking about going to meet his birth mother, and voiced a lot of the fears that I had. Hubby looked at me and I lost it entirely. "What if he never calls back?" I sobbed. "He will, Kel, he will. You'll see."

Hubby was right. Within the next couple of hours, Bio-Grandfather called me at home. I was so emotionally strung out and relieved to hear from him, I started crying all over again. I'm sure he thought I was seriously deficient in the mental faculties department.

I attempted to regain my composure as he told me that he was indeed Lacey's father, and he had spoken with Lacey to let her know that I had contacted him. He also told me that Lacey was not ready to talk to me right now, but had my name, address and phone number. "She will call when she's ready."

I was only a little disappointed that she "was not ready" to talk to me. Then again, she knew who and where I was now. She would call. I knew she would. I could wait a little longer, it won't kill me. After all, I've been waiting for years already.

Then Bio-Grandfather asked "Do you have any questions that I might be able to answer for you?" Standing there, gripping the receiver in one hand and a soggy Kleenex in the other, with tears continuing to run down my face, I was finally asked about my questions by someone who could more than likely answer them.

My mind went blank. Totally, completely blank.

I was speechless as I tried to capture one of the hundreds of questions spinning around in my brain and put it into words. I think I asked about Bio-Dad's nationality and personality, if Bio-Mom's husband knew about my existence, if I had any siblings and if they knew about me, and how long Bio-Mom and Bio-Dad were together. These questions did not just fall out of my mouth. I had to pin them down while chastising myself for not making an actual list on a piece of paper.

I thanked him effusively for calling me back, told him that I understood how I know I'm interrupting their lives (again), apologized for that (again), and relayed (for the hundreth time) that I would just like to talk to Lacey just once and if she never wanted to see me or talk to me again, I could accept that.

Hanging up the phone, I had a hard time getting my mind around the fact that I had just spoken to my Bio-Grandfather. Hubby stayed close to me as I relayed the conversation to him as best I could. The shock began to subside and I went to put pen to paper to write all my questions down.

We had no idea when she would call. I did, however, have a strong, persistent gut feeling that she would call.

I was still in disbelief as Hubby and I turned out the lights that night and spent the next little while talking about the day's events before dozing off. He fell asleep far faster than I did. My mind just swam with possibilities and all the potential ways this might pan out. I was just about asleep when the phone rang.

"Hello?"
"Hello, Kelli? This is Lacey."

current entry
previous
next

one year ago