There has got to be something ironic about having to carry your 40 pound toddler out of daycare while she kicks and screams because she doesn't want to leave, securing her in the car seat after a minor struggle, getting in the driver's seat, starting the car and hearing "Everything is wonderful now..." on the radio...

* Sunday a sixteen year old kid was driving in his car with his friend. The radio was turned up and they weren't really paying any attention to the traffic around them. We watched the driver almost hit someone else about two miles back).

We were stopped at a traffic light when his vehicle smacked into us. He was maybe traveling at 20 miles per hour. Whatever the speed, though, it was hard enough that our trailer hitch cover was stuck in the fiberglass between the bumper and the hood of his parent's Taurus.

No one was injured, the kid got off with a warning… and a tongue-lashing from Hubby.

Punkin padded in early Monday morning and I was awake earlier than I had hoped.

As soon as I was awake I had the feeling that the day would not be a sunny one for me. I held out hope, however. It was too early to throw in the towel, and going back to sleep wasn't an option. A poopy pull-up beckoned.

I was achey and tired and cranky and testy. I couldn't tell if the ache in my back was the same old same old for me, or if it was from the fender bender we were involved in the day before *. My head felt like I was suffering from a slight hangover, which is odd because I haven't had a drink in a few weeks.

I wanted to wallow in my unwarranted misery. There was no logical reason for it. I couldn't pull myself out of it, although I admit that I really didn't try that hard. I'm afraid I wasn't a very patient mom, nor a willing playmate. I was looking forward to Punkin's nap time so I could bury myself under the covers and not inflict my horrid mood on anyone.

After much cajoling, Punkin was settled down for her nap. I tromped downstairs, but couldn't sleep, so it was back up the stairs to our bed. I finally slept. For about 20 minutes. Then Punkin was back in our room, in need of a new pull-up, and not having slept a wink. She had no inclination to nap, either. I was able to direct her downstairs to Hubby (who strongly suggested that I take a nap) where she played happily. For about 10 minutes. She then decided to visit me, and bring her dolls, her blankets, her shoe box of small toys and crayons that made it's way home with us from school, and some books.

I felt entirely defeated, cranky and selfish. I also felt a large amount of guilt for not being a good (or nice) mom and wife. At one point, Punkin leaned over, hugged and kissed me, and told me she loved me. Feeling wretched anyway, I cried.

I eventually gave up all hopes of getting back to sleep and we all went to the grocery store. No one contradicted me when I suggested picking something up for dinner.

The gray funk lasted a full day. It took forever for me to fall asleep last night, and then I tossed and turned until the alarm went off this morning. I thanked God I didn't wake up with that feeling again. I also asked Him to help me not take the funk out on my family anymore. That sad Punkin face was heartbreaking.

Luckily, I was able to shake off the last dregs of gray in short order this morning, and have remained in a better mood all day today. A full day of feeling "not well" for no apparent reason is one too many days of gray for me.

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