Ok… so my last entry was just sort of a "brain dump" of what's been in my head regarding my Mom for a while now. I want things to improve with my relationship with my Mom, but I wasn't sure where to get started. That entry was a way of "taking stock" of what's there so I can begin the process of sorting through it.

My sister emailed me and had some suggestions for where to begin sorting. She mentioned that she was initially angry with what I had written, but then realized where I might be coming from.

...I think I probably feel the same as you most of the time about how we grew up but I never had the option or the possibility of it being any other way....If the tables were turned and there was a possibility of something better out there (then found it) I would absolutely feel the way you do...

She offered up some valid points…

...with Bio-Mom and Millie you had the advantage of starting off as friends long before you truly became mother/daughter…

...A few years back I asked Mom what she dreams of, what she regretted in her life, who was her first love, what was the craziest thing she ever did, who did she admire, if she could do it all over what would she do...things you ask friends...I was truly interested in "Jeanne," not Mom...ask her sometime...you will be surprised at the woman inside....

She was understanding

…you are not alone in how you feel about our childhood and understanding something comes from knowing the whole picture...

I hope you not angry, I just thought the advice is good...someone gave me the same when I was struggling with our my relationship with Mom..

Dammit, she made me think…

…her seeming to not understand us or tuning us out I think is her way of protecting herself from feeling like she failed us...like if she talks over it or fast enough it won't exist...wouldn't that be a horrible place to be in?…

Then she challenged me…

…I forgot to add that maybe she needs to get to know the "real" you...I think she is pretty terrific and maybe it has been too long that you both have been showing only the parts you think the other person wants to see…

Yes, it may be common sense to some, and it should have been that to me. I guess I sort of forgot, or needed a nudge or something.

So, my new pet project will be setting some one on one time with my Mom and talking to her about all this stuff. It won't be easy, and it may not be pretty. It won't happen overnight, but anything is better than the way things are now.

Thanks again, Dit for giving me a new perspective and setting me straight. I love you lots.

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