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05/08/00
--- It's all a matter of perspective, relatively speaking ---

The apartment I grew up in was huge
Until I went back years later for a visit

My grandpa used to be the tallest man I knew
Until I got older and met my future husband

35 years old used to be ancient
Until I turned 30.

Cities that used to be so far away
Are closer now.

I've got it more together than some,
Less so than others.

Look at her, she has a great husband and a great child and a nice place to live.
Look at her, she can pick up and go/fly anywhere, anytime at the drop of a hat.

My family "traditions" and beliefs used to be gospel. I was very close with them while I was growing up. Not a month went by when we weren't all together for some holiday or birthday or anniversary celebration. I may not have always agreed with them, but I kept quiet, and didn't voice my opinions. In my family a lot of times "different" is wrong. Wrong is bad. Express a strong different opinion and you can bet they will be discussing your attitude and life shortly after you leave.

As I came of age, I started to see the people they are, individually. I started to listen more and ask why more. I realized things did not have to be the way they demanded, expected. I would obsess for days after a gathering about what was said and what the "real meaning" behind the comment was. What did they say after I/we left? Why did I let them get to me like that?

I started to see less of them after I realized that I don't have to attend all the family functions. My self-confidence grew as I grew away from them. Suddenly, they were the ones that were wrong, not me. I was stubborn in that belief for a while.

Distance and time have altered my perception yet again. Now I can see the individuals and where those individuals are coming from. Why they might see things the way they do.

I've realized that, in some cases, there is no right or wrong. Some people do things differently. I may not understand it, or change it, so I need to accept it. That's not always an easy thing, is it? If I try to get them to see where I am coming from, does that mean that I am trying to change their point of view? When do I wave the white flag and say "I see that you are steadfast in that opinion although I can not fathom why. I surrender to forces I do not understand" and walk away from the conversation? How do I make the speaker realize I'm not walking away from them, but the disagreement. Life is too short to squabble over trivial things. Why waste time doing so? Just because I see your point of view, that doesn't mean I have to agree with it. You can't make me. You're not the boss of me.

That's a mature concept... isn't it?




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