In the past two days, I have had two different people make a comment to me about two different things. Both comments have stuck with me. (call me obsessed, if you will) Both comments have made me want to change the way I… am, I guess. I'm paraphrasing here.

1) "You can get pretty riled up about The Hubby, and I didn't want to give you any more ammunition."
Um. Uh. Thanks. Bio-Mom was telling me about a book she is reading in which the main character alternates between loving her husband and hating him. She wasn't sure if she wanted to loan me the book and used the above statement to explain why.

Well. Damn. I just wasn't sure how to take that. I've never hated Hubby. Do I really gripe that much about him? I didn't think so. Apparently, I'm wrong. Sure, I vent sometimes, but I'm really mostly frustrated with myself, and the way I handle some situations. Bio-Mom is one of the only people that I would vent to about him, and I usually only do that during "that week" which happens to be when everything and everyone annoys me. I don't remember the last time I even talked about him to her.

I'll be watching what I say about my home life (regarding Hubby) a little more closely from now on. He is not a traditional romantic, so there are usually no "grand gestures" to gush about, and the little things are usually pretty private, and not something I want to share. If I attempt to correct people's perceptions of him, it sounds like I'm suddenly defending him, so there must be a problem there, right? I guess, one could get the wrong impression about my feelings for him, huh? It boils down to the fact that people only know what I let them know.

You want the truth? Ok, here goes. We're a typical husband and wife and family. We are sometimes irritated with ourselves, we sometimes drive the other up the wall. We always work it out. We're just us, and have been us for nigh on 13 years.

2) "Are you ok? You seem preoccupied lately."
Well, kinda and yes. I have been preoccupied lately. I have had something on my mind for a few months now and it is starting to wear me down. It may be sapping my good humor and levity. The crux of the matter is that I can't let some things go. I dwell. Sometimes I obsess. I fret. I worry. (really?!) There are times when I see exactly what I want to see, and have the nerve to be disappointed when things are the opposite.

Life is a serious of adjustments followed by a lull. I think I'm in an adjustment phase right now. What I am adjusting to? I have no idea. Spring sometimes makes me antsy to be outside, to have things clean, to have things right where they are supposed to be, all our ducks in a row, so to speak. I'm tired of waiting for the warmer weather, tired of waiting to get things done around the house, tired of waiting until I get my credit card paid off , just plain tired of waiting. What I wouldn't give for a good lull right now.

What I need to do is let things go. Let go and let God, right? I'm not sure how to do that. Correction, I can do that, but not for very long. How do I just l--e--t g--o? Permanently. If I pray about it (and pray about it) does that mean that I've let it go? I don't think so.

This is a phase. This too shall pass. This is just temporary, BS. The sun has come out, the weather will get warmer, and the carefree days of summer are on the way. I may not be able to reach them, but I can see them from here.

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