That one word can make one's heart soar with love and happiness, or plunge in despair and frustration.

I'd always known I was adopted. My mother told me when I was about four years old, not that I remember that conversation. I've always been grateful that I knew I was adopted. Being adopted is the definition of me. It is a big part of who I am.

Nurture
My Aunt Jan was the most "like" me in my family, the family that raised me. We both had blonde hair, brown eyes, and thinner bodies. We tended to think alike. She is 16 years older than me, but not as "old" as Mom. Jan watched my sister and I a lot while Mom worked. I wanted to be like her. I wanted to be a grown-up and have my own place and eat cheese and crackers and Pepsi for dinner if I wanted. No vegetables, not for me. Dessert would be the powdered-sugar crescent cookies that I considered Aunt Jan's specialty. We were close. When I was 20 years old and having growing pains, I escaped to Aunt Jan's house one night after my Mom and I fought. Mom sent me to my room. I was there for about 10 minutes before I realized I could just leave. So I did, just for the night to help me weigh my options. Aunt Jan listened to me and took my side. By midnight, the entire family knew what happened.

A few months later I moved in with my boyfriend. Within a few years we were engaged and married. Aunt Jan was one of my bridesmaids. I returned the honor by being one of her bridesmaids for her wedding in 1996. The following year Hubby and I had a child. Aunt Jan attended the baby shower. That was the last I saw of her.

She married late and does not have any children. She spent her twenty-something years watching my sister and I grow up. She made some tough choices and lost a baby when I was a teenager. She has never been pregnant again. I believe she blames the fates, as well as other family members, for her lot in life. I don't think she is happily married. She has let the resentment, despair, frustration and anger take over. There is no room to be happy for others. She is miserable.

Nature
A few months after making my "big break" from the family that raised me, I decided to search out my biological family. I found them in the white pages. Literally. Two weeks from when the search began, I was sitting in front of Bio-Mom, trying to memorize the things she was telling me about her family, and soaking in just being with her after 20 years of separation. She has many siblings. One of them is Jeri.

Jeri is comparable to Jan in that she is "her own woman" and is quite independent. She is not married, and does not have any children, unless you count her menagerie of cats and dogs. Jeri actually likes hearing from me, and really likes Punkin. Jeri even made this fabulous blanket for Punkin for her baptism. A definite keepsake.

Jeri always seems to be upbeat and laughing. She's always made me feel better after talking to her. If I'm down about something, I know I can call her, have one of our hour-long chats and hang up wishing I could see her more often.

So, how does that happen? Two women. Similar situations, yet they're like night and day. Is it the way they were raised? Is it something more?

They have both influenced me and my thinking. I'd still love to make a dinner of cheese and crackers, and cap it off with crescent cookies for dessert. I still strive to be happy for others, and not focus on how I might deserve what they have more then they do.

I am grateful to both Aunts for who they are, and for what they have taught me.

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